Surreal??- La Condition Humaine
by finite
Summary: *slash*- very mild m/m. (Draco/Harry) What's wrong with Draco? Harry finds out- but not the easy way. Awkward situations, mild swearing and Draco with his guard down!!!- he had no choice- *indignant look* [[[part iv up :)]]]
1. La Condition Humaine

A/N: WARNING: This contains some SLASH material.  
  
Ha! Now that you have been warned, you can only blame yourself for getting offended.  
  
  
  
Part I: La Condition Humaine  
(very mild slash)  
  
  
Draco fell absently onto his bed, while pulling round the curtains in one easy motion. He was exhausted. But at least he didn't feel like before.  
  
This wasn't a nice state of mind. It wasn't really anything.  
  
He was tired. So tired. But somehow when he closed his eyes sleep just didn't come. His mind was busy as it always was. Thinking about past- always the past- the previous day, the previous week, the previous month. Never did Draco think about the future. He tried as best he could to blank that out. It was something he dreaded without knowing why.   
  
He lay still- not something normal for an insomniac.   
  
Yes- Draco was an insomniac. He had always dismissed sleep, not that his waking hours were anything precious to him, but sleep was a hole even worse than his life. It was a terrifying beast. Sleep was nearly always dreamless. It had been getting worse lately. Much worse. Not that it really mattered to him that he got less than four hours of sleep a day.  
  
But he thought that might have changed this time. Obviously not.   
  
After the assortment of pills he had taken an hour ago, Draco was anticipating the effects to be a little more dramatic than what he was feeling. This hopeless fatigue was frustrating, as it did nothing to help him sleep, and instead gave him a conflict of exhaustion and energy, to match the war taking place in his mind.  
  
Ughh. Draco pushed back the heavy drapes around his bed. One in the morning, and he felt like he could sleep-walk a marathon. He felt like walking and walking- just the mechanical action. His bare feet touched the freezing marble of the Slytherin floor, but he hardly noticed. He pulled his cloak over his grey flannel pyjama bottoms and T-shirt, then glided past the other innocent-sleepers, and headed towards the commonroom. Lumos. The light from his wand filtered through the unsubstantial shadows of the room.   
  
He walked around the edges of the room a few times. It was automatic, monotonous- and this gave him the comfortable feeling of habit. He passed the fireplace, the large and immaculate armchair, the stone staircase, and finally walked straight out into the draughty corridor, as if he were simply programmed.   
  
His eyelids were drooping and he realised that he wasn't looking where he was going. It didn't trouble him though. He just needed to feel the movement of his feet dragging silently and still barefoot along the endless corridors of Hogwart's.   
  
Through his bleary eyes, he could make out the light of his wand. It was dim and pointless but at least not dark- and it made a pretty picture- He didn't want to be like this. Not like some indistinct soul, wandering aimlessly. The wand light was part of him now. In him. Light. What colour was light anyway?  
  
This light was green- his house colour. Hmmmmmmm- it made his hand glow eerily, not like the green of eyes. 'His' were clear and showed his soul so clearly, but never for Draco, unless in anger. But now the light was part of him- his mind. Sleepy. So sleepy. There's light, over there through the window- it is natural and shining from the moon. The moon is full and seems to rule the sky. It is better than the sun. It is gentle and subtle- not that garish giant- but delicate.   
  
Draco placed his elbows lightly onto the stone windowsill and stared at the glowing orb. Was the moon blurred, or was it just cloudy? The Forbidden Forest was dark and looming below him and the neat grounds before that, were bland and bleak compared to the air.   
  
A presence behind him- He was prisoner to the moon.   
  
"Malfoy?"  
  
Draco tilted his head slightly in reply.   
  
"How long have you been standing there?"  
  
Silence. How was he meant to take silence? It had never come from Draco before. It had always been some quick wit or other directed at him, or Ron and Hermione. Was it really Draco?  
  
Yes. That blonde head and lilting figure could not belong to anyone else.   
  
How much had he seen? Had he watched Harry crossing the grounds from the Whomping Willow, where he had been keeping Professor Lupin company as usual during this time of the month? He was certainly acting strange- he normally would have taken some of his teenage anger out on Harry.  
  
That's what it was right? Teenage anger. Not real hate- Harry wasn't hate-able was he? ……Of course he was. The Dursley's had reminded him often enough. He was nothing to them.  
  
Draco felt a slight pressure on his left shoulder. The moon goddess- she was commanding. What was it?  
  
He turned around to meet Harry's startlingly green eyes.   
  
"Oh. Harry" That blotch in the dark must be Harry- look at the eyes.  
  
Harry was surprised. Was he just called by his first name?  
  
"What did you see Malfoy?" Harry said, his voice laced with an unusual hardness.  
  
"See?" Draco squinted at Harry. "I can't see anything…I mean, I was looking at the moon up there…It's beautiful."  
  
Draco's elbow slipped from the window and he fell to the floor.  
  
Harry stood over him for a moment, waiting expectantly for him to get up, but nothing happened.   
  
Draco groaned.  
  
"Help the moon. The light must join itself." He muttered  
  
Harry looked worried for a second, as he did the unthinkable, and pulled Draco up to his feet, holding him steady to stop him from keeling over.  
  
"No you don't understand! I have to sleep, but it won't let me."  
  
Harry was astonished. Malfoy was acting very strangely indeed and he wasn't sure if he was entirely comfortable with the change. But his seeker instincts took over and he caught the incredibly light boy as he fell forward again.   
  
Draco clung to Harry's robes. "I want to sleep Harry. I really want to, but it will come for me. Will you keep me company?" His voice was pleading and desperate, but he looked like a living zombie.   
  
Harry decided that Draco was completely delusional. And he was helpless… Draco was completely delusional and completely helpless. Ha!   
  
With a sigh, Harry slung Draco's arm over his shoulder and proceeded to half lead, half drag him through the maze of corridors to the Slytherin commonroom.   
  
"There you go Malfoy. I can't take you any further."  
  
His answer was slurred. "I know the password. You have to stay or…or…"  
  
Harry groaned inwardly. Fine. This was just typical. He hated Malfoy all the years he had known him, and still he felt obliged to help him in a time of need.   
  
He pushed open the dormitory door to meet the sharp pang of the cold air within. Sheesh. No wonder he had a heart made of ice- how could it ever melt?  
  
Harry tried to push Draco down onto the bed, but his arm around Harry's neck, pulled them both down so that Harry was sitting beside him. He removed Draco's cloak, and made a move to rise from the bed, but Draco pulled him back down.   
  
"Wait Harry" He gazed drowsily into Harry's eyes. "If he comes, will you be here?"  
  
Draco hoisted himself backward onto the bed, and snuggled away from the biting chill, under the thick, luxurious duvet.   
  
"When who comes?"  
  
Fear suddenly clouded Draco's eyes, which he closed immediately under a layer of mussed hair. Harry glanced around the dormitory. It was not unlike his own dorm in layout and style, but the atmosphere was new and forbidding. Draco's bed was the equivalent of Ron's- yes, there was the desk, the window and the large trunks at the end of the beds. And on the bedside table there was the usual: a notepad, a clock, a glass of water… and several bottles of pills. What were they?  
  
Harry lifted one up, and held it towards the moonlight. It was without a label, but Harry was not blind. It was obvious that Draco had taken them and had suffered the side effects. He looked down at Draco's sleeping form. He looked innocent like that- just a child, but a child with wisdom and maturity that even Harry could see. He pictured the other boys he knew, and they all seemed so adolescent compared to the figure before him, even some of the adults he knew were unlike Draco.  
  
Harry lay on the other end of the bed, thinking about the ridiculous nature of his situation. If he had been told before, that four hours later he would be sitting in the Slytherin tower, tending to a sleeping Malfoy, he would probably have erupted into laughter. But here he was.   
  
The other curtains in the room were drawn around the beds, so that Harry was isolated except for Draco in his sleep. He pulled the curtains around Draco's bed, quietly so as not to disturb the sleeping Slytherin's.  
  
  
  
Harry woke with a start. He glanced confusedly round the room. Where was he? The room was familiar, yet different.   
  
The previous night came flooding back to him. He glanced feverishly around him, and finally risked a tiny peek around the curtains, figuring that the others would all be enjoying breakfast by this time, at the clock on the bedside table, and a wave of panic set in when he realised breakfast had just started. The heavy drapes around the bed, and the gloomy position of the Slytherin tower had managed to keep away the morning light.   
  
He removed his glasses, and squinted into the darkness. Thank goodness they were alone. He didn't know what he would have done, if someone had caught him in this situation.   
  
He looked down at Draco's sleeping form yet again, remembering the reason he was here, in the first place. To his surprise, he noticed that the other boy was trembling and muttering softly. On closer inspection, Harry could see sweat running down Draco's neck and his eyes darting back and forth, under closed eyelids.  
  
"Draco, what's wrong?" Harry whispered into his ear.  
  
"He's come! He's come!"  
  
"Wake up! We need to go now"  
  
"Don't hurt me! Please Sir!" Draco's closed eyes began to stream. The shaking became more extreme and he was curled up in the foetal position.   
  
Harry placed two hands on Draco's shoulders, and proceeded to shake him awake. Draco's eyes flared open, and he immediately and instinctively pulled Harry down into a tight hug, sobbing all the while into his robes.  
  
Harry was overwhelmed. What was Draco doing? This was the boy who refused to even acknowledge him, never mind embrace him! He automatically comforted Draco with words and the return of the contact. He didn't know how he knew this was the right thing to do, but somehow it felt right. Harry himself had never had anyone to do this for him... once again he thought of the Dursley's.  
  
They had never made him feel anything but a stain: a stain on their lives, a stain on the world, and worst of all, a stain in himself. What was it to be loved? Harry's first experience of friendship had been at this school, and he knew (hoped) it would be the opening of many more to come.   
  
Draco's sobbing subsided. It had been horrible; that dream. It had almost been real. It had affected him deeply as it always did, and now he was leaning against a comforting warmth. Harry!  
  
Draco lifted his head away, abruptly. He stared with undisguised astonishment, into Harry's sympathetic eyes. He gaped, and Harry removed himself from the embrace immediately.   
  
They were both silent. Neither of them had any words to express their confusion.   
  
Harry was still fully robed and Draco was in his pyjamas. Their hair was dishevelled and the lack of peaceful sleep showed itself in their eyes.   
  
"Morning" Harry ventured, after a lengthy and awkward pause.  
  
Draco continued to gape.   
  
"Ok." Harry said.  
  
Draco spoke softly. "What happened?"  
  
"You don't remember?"  
  
Draco, with wide eyes, shook his head, making his hair flop slightly. Vague images kept floating to the surface of his consciousness, but otherwise he looked quite lost.   
  
He quickly regained himself however and started to glare furiously at Harry, as if blaming him. Although he still looked a little embarrassed.   
  
"Never mind what happened. What are we going to do now?… You have to get out of here!"  
  
Draco leaped from his bed into the adjoining bathroom, and threw Harry a hand towel.  
  
"Quick. You look a mess."  
  
It was Harry's turn to gape- but wearing an indignant look.  
  
"Taken a look at yourself lately?" he called back.  
  
"Yeah, as it happens I am looking into a mirror right now. And I like what I see." He poked his head round the bathroom door, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "I've got a kind of sexy, tousled look."  
  
Harry, silently had to agree. How did he pull that off? His eyes were still puffy from crying, but it managed to make him look seductive all the same.   
  
He wouldn't admit it thought. He snorted in reply.  
  
They quickly cleaned themselves up. Never before would they have been able to be in this situation- alone together, without being at each other's throats. They had to settle instead, for insulting comments.   
  
It felt better, they both found, to slip back into this old routine of bad-mouthing each other.  
  
Draco signalled Harry the all clear, for moving out, into the commonroom.   
  
"Shhhhh…we have to be quiet." Draco whispered.  
  
"Yeah, I know smart-arse. I'll be in as much shit as you, if anyone sees us."  
  
"They will have noticed you were missing this morning."  
  
"Oh, I'll just tell them that I had to return a book to the library or something. What are you going to say?"  
  
Draco glanced round, and stopped. "They wouldn't have noticed yet."  
  
"What? Nobody?"  
  
Draco stared at Harry steadily.  
  
"I don't remember what happened last night you know……"  
  
"You were walking around, and you…said some things which I didn't understand."  
  
"What things!" Draco hissed "No, wait. Meet me tonight. You can explain to me just how much you heard."  
  
On that cryptic note, the two boys exited the tower and went their separate ways. Harry took one last glance at the other boy's retreating back, and debated whether or not to go to the meeting. Why should he? This was Draco…the one who had tricked him into a midnight meeting in the first year. But then Harry was also curious. What was this new relationship he had with Draco? Something had changed overnight- he had taken a new perspective.   
  
  
  
  
A/N: The title is of a Magritte- (who was into stuff about conceptions, perspective and the faith we place in suppositions yadayada)  
  
La Condition Humaine (1934)  
  
Perhaps a Part II?  
  
Thanks to all those who reviewed:  
'Disconnected'  
'Darkness Visible'  
'An Advancement of Learning'  
  
finite : )   



	2. The Glass Key

  
  
  
Part II- The Glass Key  
  
  
Harry walked stealthily down a dimly lit corridor. He recognised this part of the school from the other midnight excursion he had taken yesterday, when he had come across Draco.   
  
Draco had been causing Harry a few problems. Firstly, this was the second late night Harry had devoted to him, and secondly the strange occurrences last night were causing him some confusion.   
  
He glanced around furtively and turned the corner.  
  
If this was some trick....  
  
No, it couldn't be a trick. Those tears could not have been fake, and who can influence their own dreams in that way? Draco, it turned out, was not as cool and calm as he seemed. He had fear like everyone else...but fear should not have that effect on him. What was it that made him shiver and cling to Harry in his sleep? What had he been taking? Harry remembered the small bottle of pills.  
  
Harry expected to feel some kind of satisfaction in this new knowledge, but all it brought him was an unexplained feeling of dread. Perhaps he didn't want to know. He shouldn't have anything more to do with the boy who had hated him passionately from the first time they met. Draco was trouble, and there should be no more consorting with him.  
  
Harry turned on his heel, relieved that he had come to a decision about the meeting. He did not want to see Draco anymore than was necessary.   
  
"Potter!"  
  
Harry froze.   
  
"...Harry, I think we need to talk."  
  
He looked at Draco's silhouetted figure. "This better not be a trick"  
  
"Does it look like a trick, numb-skull?"  
  
Draco motioned for Harry to follow him, which he hesitantly complied with. The soft muffle of their light footsteps echoed lightly behind them, as they made their way though the castle.   
  
Draco stopped outside an old discarded classroom. He turned to look at Harry while pushing the door lightly. With a flourish of his wand, the torches flared, and settled into a dim, flickering pattern. The desks were mouldy from lack of use and the damp conditions.  
  
They looked at each other for a second, neither of them knowing how to begin.   
  
Harry shuffled his feet a little and Draco spontaneously decided to leap, cat-like onto the nearest desk. He sat there, his legs dangling, and peering at Harry through his silver lashes.   
  
"Tell me what we did last night"  
  
Harry swung himself onto the adjacent desk, replying with. "You don't remember?"  
  
Draco looked a little distant "It's a bit fuzzy really. I only remember climbing into bed, and you... tucking me in- so to speak."  
  
He looked slightly put out.  
  
"Well...I was walking down the corridor last night, and I saw you standing at the window." Harry paused. "You...kept falling and looked quite drowsy and ill, so I lead you back to your commonroom."  
  
"How did you know where my commonroom was?" Draco looked suspicious.   
  
"And then you asked me to... put you into bed." Harry continued, avoiding Draco's question.  
  
"I didn't!" Draco said indignantly, knowing that he probably had done just that. "Why did you agree anyway. You could have just left me in the commonroom. I would have been quite safe there!"  
  
"I don't know! It was just freezing cold, and you would have caught pneumonia." Harry said, looking slightly offended.   
  
Draco glanced at the other boy and felt a rush of guilt sweep over him. Shouldn't he be grateful?- pleased?   
  
He studied the dark-haired boy, who was staring into his lap. Draco was glad of this. One glimpse of those deep eyes and he felt that he would collapse. Another late night session- what was he thinking? This kind of thing wasn't safe, especially not with Harry. Draco's pills were still on the bedside table.  
  
Resignedly, Draco hopped off the desk and walked round it, to sit on the chair. He sighed. "Yeah...sorry."  
  
Harry looked up sharply. This was Draco- he wasn't drunk or drugged in any way, yet he was apologising?   
  
Draco on the other hand, immediately buried his head into his arms, stretched onto the dust-covered table. He couldn't face looking at the eyes. Not yet.  
  
"What did I say to you? I can't recall it- it's much too blurry."  
  
Harry snapped. "Of-course it was blurry- with those pills you've been taking!"  
  
Draco's colour drained- more than usual.   
  
He looked up. What a mistake.  
  
The green eyes were angry- concerned?  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"Don't give me that crap Draco! I saw them, on your bed-side table."  
  
"I don't know what you mean!" Draco stood abruptly, letting the chair crash to the floor.  
  
"Just tell me what they are...you don't have to take them...it's not worth it."  
  
Draco sighed again. There was no point in denying it. A part of him wanted to share it, anyway. A part of him needed this boy- with a large beating heart, to know about him- the real Draco- who could suffer like everyone else. He was not a stone heart.   
  
Maybe leaving them out on the table had been a subconscious cry for help. They were usually kept tucked away in secret compartment behind his trunk. Or maybe, he was just not thinking straight when he had taken them. How could he have been- to leave a bottle of pills out in the open for all to see.  
  
He pulled the chair upright, sat down heavily and admitted. "Ok, they *are* mine. But tell me what I said to you first. What did I do?"  
  
Harry hesitated. "You weren't making much sense. I took you into your dorm, and you asked me to stay with you. You were shivering and looked scared...more than you do now."  
  
Indeed, Draco was looking frightened. His eyes were opened wide.   
  
"What else did I do?" Draco whispered. Would Harry find out? How could he tell his story? Not after all the pain of keeping it bottled in his 'stone' encased heart. And now, it looked as if Harry would make his own deductions. Draco had let it slip. In one moment- he has let his guard down, and his secret was threatened.  
  
"You were thrashing around and sweating during the night. You called out in your sleep, asking for someone not to hurt you."  
  
At this Draco looked close to tears, and Harry looked deeply worried.  
  
Harry was standing now. "What is it Malfoy? What are you scared of?...I know you don't like me...but, this is serious. If someone is hurting you...well...I wouldn't even wish that on you, Draco"  
  
Draco had looked doubtful through his teary eyes. But at the sound of his name on Harry's lips- gentle and sobering, there was a glint of something- faith?- belief?  
  
Could he trust this boy. Trust wasn't, couldn't be simply given out. It had to be earned. Had Harry earned it? He hadn't told anyone else about Draco's nightmares. He hadn't teased him, or scorned him. He was such a Griffindor- sickening. But why would he anyway? If he did, then he would be threatened too. They had slept in the same bed for God's sake!  
  
Draco instead turned to something else. He could not go straight for the heart of the problem. Instead...  
  
"Have you heard of the Mirror of Erised?"  
  
Harry nodded lightly, looking bewildered.  
  
Draco looked surprised. "You have?"  
  
Harry nodded again, more vigorously this time.   
  
"I found it some time ago in an empty classroom- although it is gone now."  
  
He paused.  
  
"Go on" Harry urged, strangely pleased that Draco was opening up- sharing something.  
  
"Um...Do you know what it shows?"  
  
"I saw my family in it" Harry said timidly as he walked over to Draco's desk and pulled up a chair to sit opposite him. "It shows your deepest darkest desires."  
  
"Yes...and no. You see, for me, I saw nothing."  
  
Harry looked astonished. "You know that means that you're completely satisfied with your life."  
  
"No Harry, you don't understand...I didn't see my reflection as a normal mirror...I saw a dark...a dark...hole- where the image should have been."  
  
At these emotional words, Draco stood up and walked over to the window. He did not bother to open it. The cracked pane let in the cold breeze, drying up the tears that Harry had not noticed.   
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"I don't know." Draco replied, really knowing in his heart the meaning of that terrifying picture. He knew that his future was a meaningless blur. He had no desire, no wish, and no happiness.   
  
He turned to face Harry, who swallowed slightly at the sight. There was Draco, yet again bathed in deceptively warm moonlight. His hair swept slightly from the breeze and red tearstains on his cheeks- remnants of the secret feeling that he did not want Harry to witness.  
  
He was beautiful. But a battered and broken inside, enveloped by a delicately chiselled exterior. But you could see the hurt through his eyes. Not usually, but now, as Harry stared at Draco's form at the window, he could see deep into the other boys cheerless soul.  
  
"I have to go." Draco's voice lacked its usual sneering tone.  
  
Harry watched him walk across the classroom, past him, and open the creaking door. His footsteps made a slightly echoing, dramatic sound on the stone floor.  
  
"Wait"  
  
Draco looked round at Harry.  
  
"You haven't...we need to talk."  
  
"We don't need to do anything." Draco said simply. "Just forget about the whole thing." He walked out the door and continued down the silent corridor.   
  
Harry dawdled for a second, then hurried after the retreating figure.   
  
"Draco."  
  
"Leave it, Potter."  
  
"Draco, this is serious."  
  
"Potter! I said go away. Leave me alone."  
  
"No!" Harry grabbed Draco's wrist and turned him around, mid step.  
  
"Don't you understand. I said leave me be."  
  
"I *don't* understand, that's the thing. You need help Draco. You need guidance- counselling."  
  
"Ha!- What do you know! Get out of my sight." He spat angrily.  
  
"I'm not letting go until you explain to me." Harry said sternly.  
  
Draco paused and looked, unabashedly into the green eyes. They stared at each other. Then Draco's anger subsided and he smiled- a little insanely- but still a smile.  
  
"You really want to know."  
  
Harry smiled with him. And before they could stop themselves, they had both realised the awkwardness of the situation and had burst out laughing.  
  
"Shhh" Harry hissed between choking laughter. He pointed to the Slytherin door. "We'll wake them."  
  
Draco quietened a bit, still a smile playing at his lips.   
  
"This is so mad" He stated.  
  
Harry nodded. "Yeah...I'll see you tomorrow." He added, as he walked back in the direction they had come from.   
  
Draco stepped into the chilly air of his commonroom. 'I'll see you tomorrow' What did that mean? Was it a- I'll see you at breakfast type thing? Or was it- I'll see you for a meeting type thing?  
  
He was too tired to think straight at the moment. He stepped quietly into his dorm and pulled on his pyjamas, sinking into his bed. He shivered slightly.  
  
Sheesh. You could catch pneumonia in this cold.  
  
  
  
A/N Thank you so much to all of you out there who reviewed my other fics.  
You make me very happy :)  
  
Big hugs all round.  
Special thanks to: BTSF, Cali, Unicorn Chic and MoonDancer.  
  
Also, I have recently written 'Ferrets and Such' (if you haven't read it...shoo- go away and do so ^_^)...anyway, I would just like to say that the ending was meant to be like that, and Ron, Hermione and the rest of the school got it wrong.   
  
Just to clear that up.  
  
~finite  



	3. The Reckless Sleeper

Part III- The Reckless Sleeper  
  
  
Harry looked up from his plate to meet the intense gaze of grey from across the Great Hall. Just for a second, their eyes met.   
  
"…So he told me that I should try out for it with my brothers…Harry? Are you listening to me?"  
  
Harry faltered. "Um…" He looked at Ron. "…I'm not hungry, I'll, um… meet you back in the commonroom, later, or something"  
  
He got up from the table and made his way to the doors. He could almost feel the steel gaze, following out into the entrance hall. He stopped for a second, willing himself to walk forward, but wanting to wait at the same time. He felt a thrill as the breeze on his back meant that the doors had opened once again. Was it Draco?  
  
He turned around to meet Hermione's anxious face.  
  
"Are you alright Harry? You were acting a bit strange."  
  
Harry smiled weakly.   
  
"Oh, don't worry Hermione. It's just er, Quiddich practice. You know how it is…I have so much work. In fact, I have to complete some Charms homework for tomorrow and I've only done three inches, when we were meant to have done two feet. I should really be doing it now. Yes, I'm going to go and do just that- my homework I mean…on the origins of secondary charms and the Isis law..."  
  
Harry realised that he'd been babbling, and stopped abruptly.  
  
Hermione still looked concerned.  
  
"Harry, why don't you let me help you? We can go to the library- I came across a really useful book for that."  
  
Harry had been telling the truth. He really hadn't done his Charms homework. But not because of his commitment to Quiddich; it was his two late nights with Draco. It wasn't only the time he spent with Draco; it was the time he spent thinking about their strange conversation.   
  
He therefore, agreed to Hermione's offer of help, and the two black clad figures made their way up the castle to the Griffindor tower, to retrieve their quills and textbooks.  
  
They walked into the quiet of the library, footsteps echoing slightly on the stone floor. Hermione pointed out the correct shelf and took the task of climbing the small rickety ladder to reach the volume. Harry ran his digit along the old, faded spines, his finger, finally resting on a large, green, leather bound book. It read 'The muggle view of insomnia and wizarding conceptions'. Hmmmm Draco.  
  
The textbooks were carried to their usual corner, and Harry began to work, Hermione leaning over from her own work every once in a while to check on him.   
  
Harry found this rather irritating, not to mention patronising. When Hermione decided to leave he wasn't too upset. She gave him some excuse about being tired, but he knew that she was equally irritated with having to sit with him, when she really preferred to be with Ron. 'Doing what?' Harry thought to himself with a faint grin.  
  
He watched her leave, through the rows of shelves, but felt a strange jolt when a blonde head appeared at the same doorway Hermione exited. Their eyes met again. But Draco looked away, completely dismissive of Harry, just as he always used to be. Harry was quite offended, not that he knew why. He looked back at his parchment in defiance. Soon he was lost in the complex workings of secondary charms and the Isis principle. Grey eyes and white-blonde hair, pushed from his busy mind.  
  
  
  
Harry opened his eyes. Where was he?   
  
Oh great Gods. The library. …Only dim light through the window above him revealed his location. Then the noise that had awoken him sounded again. A current of curses, uttered fluently into the darkness- so quiet, it was but a murmur. Harry's chair scraped slightly as he stood, resulting in the flow of words lapsing into silence.   
  
Harry poked his head round the bookshelves and scanned the shadows for signs of life. He wouldn't have found any…if Draco's hair hadn't been the type that almost emits a light of its own.   
  
Harry stepped into the open.  
  
"Draco" he whispered. "It's only me."   
  
Draco stepped forward into the feeble glow. He simply stared at Harry.  
  
"What are you doing here." He asked with a tinge of cold in his voice.  
  
"I, errr…fell asleep here."  
  
A glint of cruel amusement passed across Draco's face, quickly covered by a look that spelled Harry's insignificance. He turned away, and took his seat once more, by his table full of open books.   
  
Harry stood.  
  
"What're you doing?" he ventured.  
  
Draco left a pause before he replied, a pause that established his control, *his* power.   
  
"Nothing that concerns you Potter." Draco looked up from his reading. He surveyed Harry through thoughtful eyes- weighing him up, scrutinising him. Harry felt uncomfortable, but stared back without moving an inch. Draco squinted. He wanted to tell him. He has said he would, and a Malfoy never breaks his word. Draco had not broken his word- except of course, that he had been avoiding the Griffindor boy for some days.  
  
"Ok…I'm doing a little late night research on insomnia. But I haven't found much yet- this library is pathetic in terms of scientific concepts."  
  
"Scientific concepts?…You know about muggle concepts?"  
  
"Don't look so shocked Potter, I was educated by the finest tutors."   
  
"But mage education, right?"  
  
Draco's silence answered him.  
  
"Traditional mage education teaches no science at all."  
  
"I liked to do extra reading." Draco confided reluctantly. He didn't know how to win this one. It wasn't their usual argument or debate, or anything. It was just a conversation- not a friendly talk, but a regular conversation. If were to ignore Harry, it would be like he didn't have an answer. It felt too much like losing an argument…so he had answered. And now it was like he had given away a vital secret- why was that?  
  
"Want some help?"  
  
"Don't need any help, thank you." Draco replied quickly and coldly.   
  
"I may have…"  
  
"That's alright. It's all under control.'  
  
Harry stood in the dark for a while, as Draco turned back to reading by wand-light.  
  
"Well, I'm coming back in an hour. Want me to grab you a snack?" Harry asked with a tinge of sarcasm. "I'm going to raid the kitchens."  
  
Draco didn't look up.  
  
"Pumpkin pie, here I come." He muttered darkly as he walked out of the library, as if it were a curse.  
  
  
  
Harry stalked through the castle, hands full of cream cakes and eclairs. After all these years, the castle still held its little surprises. He had to be on his guard.   
  
He wondered if Mrs Norris could smell the cakes. She always seemed to be everywhere at once. His mind wondered to what Mrs Norris would do if she found Draco in the library. What would Filch do? Harry sneered to himself.   
  
He saw the dim glow of the wand-light through the library door as he approached, his footsteps deliberately light. He peered round the doorway. There he was- crouched over a book. Just sitting there, wand in one hand and a corner of a page, in the other. His silk hair flopped lightly over his pale-moon face.   
  
  
  
Draco stopped reading.  
  
He had that feeling. *That* feeling.  
  
He knew that feeling well, - he spent all of his life being cautious and guarded, so that now it was more than second nature, it was part of his character. Well, it was Filch, Mrs Norris, or Harry.   
  
Hmmm…Filch would have roared by now…so it was either Mrs Norris or Harry.  
  
He would have to take a risk.  
  
"What do you want Potter?"  
  
He felt the atmosphere change around him; the faintest of breaths- it was Harry all right.  
  
"Have you found anything?"  
  
"No…This damned library!"  
  
"I saw a book."  
  
"You what?-why didn't you say?!"  
  
"I offered my help." Harry said with a certain smugness that became him not.  
  
Draco felt like telling him this- 'Harry! Don't act smug. It doesn't become you!' He imagined the words in his mind- they sounded stupid- he sounded stupid. Ponce.  
  
Harry emerged from behind a shadowed shelf; he carried the green book. It looked like quite a heavy volume, but Harry seemed to carry it effortlessly. Maybe it was just a trick of the light. The book must be made of low-density paper or something.  
  
Draco reached up for the book, which Harry placed deftly into his awaiting arms.   
  
It *was* heavy! Draco felt the tingling pain of his funny bone as his arms hit the table.   
  
Harry's smug look returned, and a raised eyebrow.  
  
He could carry quite a weight for such a small boy. Not that Draco wasn't small either. They were both around the same, slightly short, height.   
  
Draco glared up at the dark-haired boy. He removed his ill-performing arms from under the large book, and turned the leather cover.   
  
"…Well, read aloud then!"  
  
Draco looked disgusted. "No." He said with the force of an unsatisfied, spoilt kid.  
  
Harry rolled his eyes and snorted lightly. "Fine then." He pulled another of the ancient wooden chairs besides the other boy, and began to read over his shoulder.   
  
"Will you stop that."  
  
"No." Harry replied mirroring the same force, in a twist of subtle sarcasm.  
  
Draco felt the hot breaths on his neck, and thought he might start spasming right there. So close…  
  
He pulled his chair away, allowing the other boy to share the book, and taking the opportunity for a deep calming breath. He glance sideways at dark hair and glimmer of green eyes behind glasses. No, not the eyes again.  
  
And what was this? As the other boy shuffled closer in response to his own movement away, there was a brush of leg on leg under the table. There they rested together, leg on leg- a warmth. Yes, clothed leg, but still, the sensation of sharing this heat made it real. Draco could feel his heart rate increasing.   
  
He tried to concentrate on the writing…  
  
Introduction. This is a guide to…  
  
The warmth is so inviting. The touch…  
  
Introduction. This is a…  
  
Can he hear my hear beat quicken?  
  
Introduction. This is a guide to the…  
  
Does he know how beautiful his eyes are?-NO, I can't think like this. This is impossible. It will never happen- never.  
  
INTRODUCTION: This is a guide to the science of insomnia. It will provide understanding, factual information, but most importantly a cure…  
  
  
  
Faint noises intermingled with the sounds in Harry's dream.  
  
He opened his eyes to meet the bright, early sun, and a pale, fluttering eyelashes. Draco lay beside him, head in his arms, facing Harry. Harry sat up slightly. They were in the same positions as they were in last night. The book still lay open.   
  
Draco was whimpering slightly and his brow was creased with frustration and worry.   
  
"No." he whispered. "I didn't…I never…"  
  
He jerked in his seat, gently at first. Suddenly, the whole chair toppled over and Draco lay sprawled on the floor.   
  
"Wuh?" His eyes were worried and misted in tears. He was trembling again.   
  
Harry looked equally as shocked, but held out his hand for Draco to take. In his astonishment, Draco accepted Harry's offering and scrambled to his feet, looking as uncontrolled as he did that other night- such a new concept for Harry.  
  
He still trembled, but regained his composure quickly. He turned to Harry.  
  
Harry thought he saw some kind of gratitude- camaraderie? Dreams. Just fantasies.  
  
Draco sneered with a revived bitterness.   
  
"I'll being seeing you in class, Potter."   
  
  
  
Notice the shift in dominance there? - paralleled in imagery? *smirks* - no, me neither ^_^  
Ok then, anyone notice the very very subtle Pratchet reference? (clue: Mort) (Another clue?: Keli) Hehe- too easy.  
  
Once again, a Magritte 'The Reckless Sleeper' (the usual turns into something personal and unusual- 'Ceci n'est une pipe')  
  
Thank you's to all that reviewed.   
**(Cali- wow, thanks) Julianna Priest, (Saburu- you don't like cliffies? *smiles sweetly*) (Penguin's angel- dear me…has it been fixed yet?) Unicorn Chick, (Starfish Girl- Hi!) Amo Draconem, princess katrina, (Sarvihaara- me too, didn't you notice :) Adelina, Moondragon, Elaine, Catfish, (Gwenn- mystery? Hehe) GentleWaterSoul, AnimeGirl, and Geppe.  
  
~finite  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. 

Part IV- The Dangerous Liaison  
  
"And special mention should be given to Hermione Granger for her excellent homework, but Harry Potter is awarded 5 house points for an outstanding piece of work."  
  
Harry's head snapped up as looked around at Hermione. She looked a little startled; she was the one who had helped him after all. He grinned apologetically at her.   
  
"Let me read you an extract…The Isis Principle is based on two separate theories that were only brought together by accident in 1648 by Professor Gertrude Stewart, who also founded the Merton Magical History Trust -also known as Druid Founded Society-, which has branched out since then- to Hampton Wick, New Malden, West Bromley, Chessington, high street Kensington, high street Potters Barr…"   
  
The shrill sound of the bell caused a relieved clatter of chairs.  
  
"Now, I expect that your permission slips are beginning to arrive, so I will start collecting them this lunchtime. You can come and find my office or me in the staff room…oh and please do not give it to me while you see me in the corridors, as it will not be accepted. That is all."  
  
The Hufflepuffs and Grifindors poured out of the open door into the quickly-filling hallway.   
  
"Whassmatter Harry?" Ron asked as they exited.  
  
"You couldn't get your slip, could you?" Hermione said quietly, knowing how much Harry wanted to go on the trip to Chessington.   
  
"Never mind Harry, we'll stay here with you." Ron stated resignedly. "Most of the day is going to be spent at the stupid D.F.Society museum thingy anyway. We only get to go to the theme park at the end. It's only a couple of rides and a muggle zoo." Ron added, trying to compress his excitement as they entered the commonroom.   
  
Harry looked touched. "Thanks Ron. That's really nice of you, but I'm going to find a way. All of you are going, aren't you?" He said looking dolefully at Seamus, Dean and Neville, who they had joined in their usual corner. Harry brightened up for a second. "… Hey! Gred! Can you Forge me a…I mean- Fred, can you forge me a note…" He blushed as Fred came jogging over.   
  
"Hi Harry, jolly good to see you- did you want something?"  
  
Harry shot a deathly look to Hermione, Dean, Seamus and Neville, who were trying to stifle their laughter without much success. "I was just wondering if you could lend me a hand with some forgery." Harry said carefully, watching to see if Fred has heard his previous mistake. "Hang on, I'll get the skill behind our operations…"  
  
The red-haired boy turned and called to his twin. "Oi, Forge! Stop flirting with Katie and get over here!" George turned away from his animated conversation with Lee and Katie, and joined his brother, raising his eyebrows expectedly.   
  
"Our young man Harry here, was wondering if Gred would Forge for him. But I told him that only George could Forge as he normally did for Gred as Fred's Forge is far surpassed by Forge, who could, unlike Fred, Forge for England."  
  
They were all laughing hysterically at this point, except Harry, whose blush deepened, knowing that he had been heard. Nobody ever called George, Forge, but Fred. It was a pet name, which had almost acquired some kind of status. A right in itself. Not even Lee called them by Gred and Forge- it just sounded kind of crude. Like calling your parents by their real names to their face for the first time.   
  
"And apparently, Gred could talk for England." George shot back grinning, before turning to Harry. "Yeah, I'm sure we can fit you into our busy schedule. What do you want us to forge?"  
  
"I need a permission slip for a trip to Chessington."  
  
"You mean the theme park?"  
  
"Yeah, but after a visit to the D.F Society history museum."  
  
Fred wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Ughh! Museum."  
  
George looked overly offended. "Gred! Museums are a necessary part of education." He said turning up his nose. "And they give you time off school…And think of the Quiddich museum in Bath…"  
  
"…with the snitch made of pure gold. And the Science museum in London…" Fred added.  
  
"…with the cool Launch Pad room. And the Matthew Corbett Joke and Puppet museum…"  
  
"…with the…*really* *stupid* yellow teddy."  
  
"Oh, but that cousin Scampy! He was cool!"  
  
Ron, Seamus and Neville were looking at the twins with blank faces as if they thought Fred and George had lost their marbles, which wasn't anything new. The rest of them grinned in remembrance of their childhood.   
  
"How do you know about the muggle museums?" Dean asked, still smiling.   
  
"Oh, they were school trips organised by Professor Kennedy. She was weird like that; she wanted us to appreciate muggles and stuff..." Goerge replied.   
  
"…But she left years ago, to go back to her teaching career in Australia."  
  
  
  
Harry glanced over at Draco while scrubbing at his hair with a towel. They both seemed to have the same idea because they were lingering in the Quiddich changing room, waiting for the other students to leave. Harry was surprised that they could manage to come to a mutual decision a whole week after the library incident; they hadn't spoken a word to each other since.   
  
Harry had exited the Griffindor room with his hair soaking wet and by the time only Draco was left with him, the towel was discarded on a nearby bench and the hair was sticking about in its usual fashion. Watching the Slytherin keeper leave, Draco looked over at Harry with a certain desperation. The black-haired boy sensed his need and seated himself on the bench, awaiting the forthcoming conversation. It could reveal many things- you could never tell with their conversations, judging on the previous encounters.   
  
Harry could see Draco looking anxious and thoughtful at the same time, as if he had something big to tell. He let him have his silence to find the words.   
  
Finally, Draco sat down beside Harry and said, "You waited."  
  
Harry thought about this. Did it mean he waited for the room to be cleared or he gave time to Draco for figuring out his words? It didn't matter too much; they equated to about the same thing. Harry was willing to hear Draco out.   
  
"Are you going to tell me now?"   
  
Draco bowed his head in response, as though he truly felt sorry for skirting round the question. Maybe he did, because the 'big thing' that he had to tell, came out in a rush to make up for it.  
  
"I got a new batch."   
  
"…Of pills" Draco added, in an attempt to resolve Harry's silence. "You know. The pills…remember."  
  
Harry was still quiet.   
  
"Well?"  
  
"Malfoy, are you going to tell me what's wrong? I don't know what the pills are about, and if you don't tell me then I can't help you."  
  
"I don't want your help." Draco said automatically, in a flat voice.  
  
"Fine! I don't know why you didn't just ask one of you friends, instead of dragging me into this."   
  
'I did not drag you into this, you bastard' Draco thought furiously. 'I didn't ask for your attention.' But he kept his stubborn silence and Harry was forced to continue angrily.  
  
"If you're not even going to act maturely and actually communicate with me, then I'm going back to my commonroom!"  
  
He waited a little longer. "Malfoy, why do you insist on being a complete git?"  
  
He turned once more to glance at the other boy before he swept out of the changing rooms. Draco didn't even raise his eyes.  
  
  
  
Harry felt a little stupid waiting in the darkened stairwell. It was like those role-play games he used to play when he was younger; he would be the secret detective with the fancy gadgets, waiting for the enemy to walk past unsuspecting. Then would be the capture- except that never happened because Harry didn't have any friends. The only kids who took notice of him were Dudley's gang and that was only because they wanted to pound his brain in- the rest of the kinds kept well away, afraid to show any recognition that Harry existed. And he wasn't Bond this time. He wasn't even waiting for a real enemy to be precise. He was just Harry Potter, feeling quite ridiculous hiding in the shadows.   
  
A white-blond head appeared at the top of the stairs and Harry breathed a sigh of relief. Checking to see that the boy was alone, he called out softly.  
  
"Malfoy! It's me."  
  
Draco looked slightly irritated that Harry would disturb him in his night-time excursion; the only time he felt at ease with himself.   
  
"What do you want Potter?"  
  
Harry jogged up the narrow spiral staircase.  
  
"And how did you know I would be out and about at this time?"  
  
Harry didn't want to tell him that he had been watching Draco take his nightly walks on the Marauders Map ever since they had slept in the same bed. Firstly, it sounded daft and secondly, he didn't want to tell him about the map, so instead he answered the first question.  
  
"I wanted to apologise for calling you a git earlier."  
  
Well, in truth, it wasn't really this. Harry had called Draco a git many times before, but after replaying the earlier conversation in his mind, Harry had begun to feel really bad. It was true that Draco had not dragged him into anything. He had insisted on knowing even though Draco had been reluctant to tell. And the worst thing he had said was about Draco confiding in his friends. How insensitive- he knew that sharing your inner most thoughts with Crabbe or Goyle would not be the wisest thing to do. And Draco didn't seem to have any real friends, like Ron and Hermione were to him.   
  
"I was angry- and I'm sorry."  
  
Draco didn't react at first. Then he descended the stairs and backed up in the stairwell. Harry followed and took the space next to Draco, which seemed to be reserved for him.  
  
"Potter. I want to tell some-body, but I'm not going to. I don't even know how or why I'm talking to you. You're not only a Griffindor but you're you." Harry looked annoyed. "This thing is mad. We haven't said a word to each other in all our years at Hogwarts without intention of malice, and I'm suddenly supposed to use your shoulder to cry on…Well, Malfoy's don't cry. Especially not on their sworn enemies." Draco appeared to notice the absurdity of his words and smiled lightly.  
  
Harry returned the smile of knowledge that they shared this insanity, but couldn't resist in adding, "You did offer me friendship on several occasions. No malice in that."  
  
Draco rolled is eyes.   
  
"So…what about these pills then?"  
  
With a sigh Draco shifted his position against the stone wall and lent on his other elbow. "I shouldn't be telling you…I… I don't know. I presume you're going to worm it out of me sometime, so I might as well spill now and save myself a lot of trouble." He spoke with a slightly jesting tone, but Harry could hear the tremble in his voice. "…I've been having troubles with sleeping. Most of the time I can't sleep and when I do, it is dreamless. Then other times I have nightmares." He paused without looking across at Harry. His pale fingers were entwined in themselves. "My father took me to see his friend- a doctor- who prescribed me pills to take care of it: depression, insomnia… That's it really."  
  
Harry spoke gently, "What were the nightmares about."  
  
Draco would not look at the other boy even though he did answer in a whisper. "I…get raped."  
  
Harry took a sharp intake of breath.  
  
In answer to the question hanging in the air, Draco choked out; "I was sexually abused several years back."  
  
He turned his head away, refusing to let tears fall.   
  
"But I don't want pity." He suddenly hissed, furiously, spinning to look Harry straight in the eye. "That's not why I told you…I don't know why I told you really."  
  
Harry felt like reaching out, but refrained. "But I'm glad you did."   
  
"…Yeah…" Drcao mumbled and sniffed. He didn't actually feel any better at all. In fact, he felt like reaching for his exquisitely carved Malfoy family dagger at this moment and hurting things- including himself. He sneered at nothing in particular and felt his mood improve a little for it. "I got the new batch yesterday. My father sent an owl to me privately. Apparently the old pills are not as good so I should start taking the new ones when I run out."  
  
"Bit of a hassle then?" It was more of a statement than a question.  
  
"They will give more intense side-effects."  
  
"What, like sleepwalking? Bumping into famous enemies and ending up sleeping in the same bed?"  
  
Draco half-smiled. "I won't be able to play Quiddich for a while and I can't go to the museum next month. It's too risky."  
  
"Does Dumbledore not know about this?"  
  
"He has no idea. I think he may suspect though- I mean Lucius usually allows me anything, including going on some stupid museum trip."  
  
They lapsed into silence.  
  
It was getting lighter now. The sky appeared ochre through the window arches and let in it's soft, buttery light. Draco noticed Harry's eyes sparkling in this light; catching the rays and looking a little out of place in the pastel glow, like a blot of florescent orange on a Laura-Ashley floral print dress.   
  
"I can't go either." Harry broke the silence.  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Nobody can sign my slip- but I've asked Fred to forge me one. Although they won't believe that my uncle signed it so I don't know why I bother."  
  
"We'll be the only losers left in this bloody school."  
  
The silence reared its head again, but this time you could almost hear the cogs turning in both their minds. Hmmm…we'll be the only losers in this bloody school.   
  
"I'd better be off before they realise I'm gone." Harry made a move to leave and nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Draco's armed pressed against his chest, barring his exit, and his other hand over Harry's mouth. His eyes widened . He was about to exclaim 'Draco, what are you doing?' through his covered mouth, when he saw Peeves float past. They stayed in that position; pressed up in the stairwell until Peeves rounded the corner, Draco's flesh, a soft coldness against his face. Letting out a sigh of relief, Draco removed his contact with Harry. Their breaths were erratic after that little encounter.   
  
Harry turned and gave Draco a tiny grin as thanks, then left the shadows and climbed the stairs, yawning prettily.   
  
We'll be the only losers in this bloody school.  
We'll be the only losers.   
  
  
  
A/N: Thank you for reviewing…  
  
Mon Petit Starfish (you know why), GentleWaterSoul (*grins* Thanks), Sarvihaara (I'm glad you said that- I thought I was pushing it a bit far) Starburst, Elfgirl, Prongs, Ceitlin Malefoy, Aikan, Metro rules, Raggona, Lindsay Beth (*giggles* Thank you for all your support!), Tinuviel182, Just Silver, Cat Samwise, Crystal (Oh, go on! ;), SpBuffy, Dremer, Lelio (ok then :), Tani (moody teenager? Draco!- never! *he made me say that*) Cali, Padfoot Lover, Persephone, and Tani (inspiration, yay!)  
  
Hmmmmmm, maybe I should get a beta-reader? I am terrible at spotting mistakes. If you, by any chance, are interested, please email me (finite80@hotmail.com) or leave a note in your review (if you review *flutters eyelashes*) [BTSF- would you?- I don't want you to feel pressured or anything though]  
  
Thanks for being so patient with me :) I know it's really short and nothing happens. Oh well.  
~finite  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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